Fitting in

I was born in Guatemala. I was adopted when I was only a couple months old and Woodland Park Colorado Has been my home for 18 years. I grew up in a upper middle class white family. My brother was also adopted from Guatemala. Being adopted from a poverty stricken country is a blessing but the pain it brings is undeniable. You don't understand when you are younger. In fact I don't ever remember my parents telling me that I was adopted, it was just a simple fact that I carried all my life. People always asked if it bothered me or what it was like and I always told them that it didn't have any effect. As I got older it started to bother me more and more. Who am I? All my friends began to have features of their parents. I saw other kids of my color with parents who looked just like them. Several summers ago we took a trip down to Guatemala for about a week. I remember going to a church service where they brought all these Guatemalan families up on the stage with their new babies and prayed for them. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had in my life. I love my parents with all my heart. I wouldn't choose anyone else. A majority of my friends and acquaintances in high school were people who were poor or involved in a lot of drugs and drinking. I felt comfortable around those people. I felt comfortable at ghetto parties and in the bad parts of the springs. I felt as if that was my place and being of a latino ethnicity that is where society told me I belonged. I wore clothes that other latinos wore. I pierced my ears, sagged my pants, wore baggy shirts and backwards hats. Having dark skin changes your view of the world. I remember there was a rumor around school that I had shot someone not because my personality gave of that vibe but it was because I was "mexican' and the way I dressed. Kids were always asking me to throw up gang signs and to go to parties with me. Other people of my color were always "cool" with me and thought of me as family. If I walked down a bad neighborhood no one ever questioned me. I fit right into that world mostly because of my color. I felt at home for a while. My brother and I both. Yet that was not who I was. Reality started to set in. The drinking increased, there was tension between groups, fights over girls, guns came into the picture, my brother was jumped, and I realized the harshness and violence of the world I had been drawn into. I wasn't born in the hood and I certainly wasn't poor but the color of my skin gave me easy access to a whole different part of society. I want to share this with you because I feel it plays a huge part in my life. I feel that these experiences give me insight and a more rounded view of things. Denver is full of the same exact culture just more prevalent. Walking down colefax street is an adventure in its self. There are homeless everywhere and you will be asked for drugs, sex, and alcohol almost every block. The night is filled with sounds of sirens, booming music, drunken laughter, and the occasional fights. A lot of these people have extremely hard stories. They have been abused and beaten down and it is not enough to give them handouts and support. They need a friends, someone who knows what pain is. They need someone who shares some of the same experiences.

I had the opportunity to visit my internship this past week and all I can do is praise God. My internship is amazing! in fact I cannot wait to go back next week. I am interning at westside academy. They are a charter school of about 60 kids grades kindergarten through 5th grade. The school is located in lakewood in a small church and all latino neighborhood. On thursday Blair and I had our first full day at the school. Blair was assigned to the kindergartners and I was assigned to the 2nd and 3rd graders. I remember when blair first walked into the kindergarten room and was introduced. Immediately the kids started clapping and cheering. When I was introduced there was not very much reaction at all. This troubled me deeply as I was worried that when I went into my classroom that there would be the same reaction. I started to wonder if I had made a mistake. As I was walking down to the classroom I told God that it was in his hands now and prepared myself for disappointment that might occur. The moment I walked into the class and I saw the kids I knew that this was my calling. As I was introduced and there were a lot of smiles and cheering. They were the cutest kids I have ever seen. Some of them even looked similar to me when I was their age. They were playing a game of hot potato and begged me to join in. They asked me if I knew spanish and when I said no offered to teach me. There was one kid named jose who immediately latched on to me. He told me I was his best friend. It was a life changing experience. I had the opportunity to help the kids read, write, and even do math! At recess they begged me to come with and we all played sharks and minnows in the pouring rain. I have always loved playing with kids but while I was at the school I realized that I want to do something more for them than be just a friend. The kids at westside are way behind in education. Some of them are homeless and some are neglected and come from broken homes. I was told that their test scores are super low and if they don't show improvement this year that the school will be shut down. I got a chance to meet all the staff and EVERY one of them is so passionate about what they do and if the school got shut down it would be heartbreaking for them. They are in great need of more staff and they were so excited to have us there. They said having me and Blair there will be a huge help for them. All in all I am in love with the kids after only a day and a half and I love my internship. I can't wait to go back next week. I can already tell that God is going to do amazing things. I feel close to these people. I feel their pain and their suffering and I feel God calling me to help these people. It is not right that these people feel they have to be what society tells them they are. I haven't been given the experiences I have just because. I want to share them with others. When I was in Guatemala people told me what a unique situation I was in and what a gift it is. I was adopted from a very very poor country into a very very good home and I owe it to give something back. I have had the gift to see both poor and rich and I need to do something with that knowledge. My heart lies with those who are struggling and those who live lives of pain and suffering. My blood is that of a people who know suffering yet rise above it every day. My heritage is one of strength and courage.