Lets light up the dark

So far Denver has been a great experience. I have been blessed to be a part of a great group of people and to work in a city that is an hour and a half from my house and in my own state. Above all the highlight of my experience so far has been my internship. Who would of thought that I would be tutoring kids? My academic record isn't a disaster but it isn't anything to brag about, yet here I am teaching kids from 2nd to 5th grade how to read, write, and do math. It's tough being a teacher. All of my previous interactions with kids have involved lots of play, laughter, and in general just being a friend to them. I can't quite do that in a classroom setting. I find myself reprimanding kids almost every second "jose stop leaning back in your chair" or "if you do that one more time you're going to the office". I hardly ever yell or have any experience with discipline but when you have a class full of energy filled 2nd and 3rd graders you better learn quick or nothing will ever be accomplished. I have a new respect for parents and teachers. Never before had it crossed my mind that maybe something like teaching would really fit me. It's on my mind all the time now, it's hard and frustrating at times but also very rewarding. The kids love me and I love them so it works out pretty well in the end. I am very blessed to be a part of that school. As far as I can tell everyone has fallen in love with their internships and it's really cool to see. Yes we all come home exhausted and maybe even irritated but I think at the end of the day we all go to bed with smiles on our faces.

Mondays and fridays are dedicated to classes. The classes aren't like your typical class though. We have the opportunity to walk the city and learn about its history as well as see the darkness and pain. In other classes we get the chance to learn about ourselves and where we fit in. Most recently we had a day where we were tasked with standing on a street corner and holding a sign that said "anything helps". It wasn't real, we weren't poor by any measure, yet as you stood there you felt something. I felt shame. I could understand that in order to stand on a street corner and beg for food you have to hit rock bottom. No one looked at you as they passed by. They might give a quick glance if they though you were looking away but the moment you turned around their eyes shifted directly ahead. In fact some people tried so hard to stare ahead it was ridiculous. We didn't even look homeless and they wouldn't look. It was a glimpse into a very sad world. The next hard thing we did was take a trip into some of the drainage tunnels under the city. The tunnels are littered with condoms, trash, bottles, and needles. It's so dark. It is home to the broken, to the fallen, to the misfits of society. It hurts to be in there because you suddenly realize that the light has gone and there is nothing but you and a hit of heroin or a bottle of alcohol to kill the pain. People go there to hide and drown themselves in darkness. You don't have to be poor or rich or anything for that matter to feel broken. You don't have to be homeless to feel like you don't matter and that your life has no purpose. That is the sad part. I remember back to my senior year when the depression had sunk deep. I felt so much pain, grief, loss, and hopelessness that the highlight of my week was to drink. I didn't go outside to drink, I didn't drink with friends, I waited until it was midnight and I would close my room door, shut off the lights, and drown myself in a bottle. When I went into that tunnel it reminded me of my own room late at night. It reminded me of what it's like to feel great pain and your only companion is whatever you hold in your hand to kill that pain. These people don't need a handout they need a companion. They need to be loved and told that they are anything but worthless. It was a hard day for sure. I still haven't wrapped my head around it. Denver is painful for everyone. There have been tears and quiet nights and it isn't over yet. There has been anger and conflict and it isn't over. It is going to be a life changing year for sure. Every bit of hurt and pain has brought us all here. This year we get to share our pain and others. We each have a story, we are who we are for a reason and God has given us the amazing opportunity to dig deep and find our place in his plan. I can feel the emotion building up in me. I haven't seen anything yet that has brought me to my knees in tears and in a way it bothers me seeing as I am pretty sensitive. God works in amazing ways and all I can do is keep praying that every day he opens my eyes to a new world, and opens my heart in order for him to change me.
Denver has been a roller coaster so far and it's a lot for me to take in. I feel as though I am so overloaded with emotion that I can't even feel anything right now. Nevertheless there have been a lot of fun memories. We have gone to movies, walked around Denver laughing and spent way too much money. One of the funniest things we did happened early on. We took a refrigerator box and with Dans help turned it into a robot costume. If that wasn't awesome enough we had the great idea of letting Dan wear it while we walked down colefax to the gas station. Surprisingly enough we didn't get shot but we sure got a lot of laughs. Right as we were walking up to the gas station Dan hit a curb and completely, full on face planted. Logan and I were laughing so hard we forgot to see if he was okay. Fortunate for us a firetruck saw the whole thing happen. They immediately turned on their lights and sirens and drove over to dan. Four guys leaned out laughing uncontrollably and asked if dan was okay. Sometimes I forget that I am still in my own state. Sometimes I forget that I have family in Boulder and the springs. I think the fact that I feel like I am in a different place really allows me to be free. Nevertheless I probably will see my friends at least once before thanksgiving. We are now at the first month mark. We have less than two months left here. It is going fast and I think that everything we learn and experience here will help us prepare for the next phase of our journey. It feels like I go through every emotion each day, but to feel is to be alive.